And he was actually at home, had not been sent away. And when he got on the phone, I was just like, what? I could not believe it. I was in shock. I mean, I almost had trouble talking to him, because I didn't expect him to be there in the first place. And I had asked him about the check. And he said he had never heard anything about it, and he hadn't seen my dad in a long time.
It was just like a load just was put on my shoulders. And I just could not believe it. My whole body just went limp. So that evening, I called my dad. And I was crying on the phone. And I asked him what he had done with it. And he said that he had lost the check in the mail. And I just didn't believe him. Finally, I just got to the point where I just wasn't believing what he was saying. She called me, and she said, you were right. And she's crying on the phone. It's just horrible. I don't have to deal with him anymore. And that's what my younger daughter said.
And he will always be my father. I don't think that he's in control. And that's the hardest part for me. I can't protect them. I was Daddy's little girl, and everybody knew it. And I loved him more than anything in the whole world. Every once in a while I think that this could not have happened and that it can't be real. And I don't want to think about it and admit that it happened. And sometimes I try to put my mind on other things and try not to think about it, but it's always there. And it is always digging at me. It just hurts.
It hurts in your heart. I feel like a part of my heart was taken out when he did this to me. It's really hard to explain, but it just feels like part of me is missing now that I don't trust my father anymore. When the big lie comes down, it makes you question the fabric of all of your experiences. You don't believe anybody. You don't believe anything. And the lies act like a weird kind of antimatter on all of your memories.
You don't know what to think about the past. It shakes up your view of the world as a safe place. So to restore some kind of order, you launch this private investigation. You make telephone calls. You look for clues in old letters. Then you combine the evidence with your own memories and start sorting everything into two different piles. There's a pile of real things and a pile of things that were totally invented. You think that if you can make this classification system work, then you can just throw out the pile of fake stuff, reconstruct reality, and go on with your life.
The problem is, it can't be done. There's all these tiny pieces of data which don't make sense but are too important to discard. So as a matter of convenience, you start this third pile and you call it "don't know. The best thing that could happen to me, the thing that would allow me to go to my grave probably more stabilized would be if he said, no, this is what the truth is really. This is what was true, and this is what wasn't. Sometimes you can spend years sorting out the truth. This woman runs a dance company. She had a fiance.
He seemed to have a lot of money.
Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire — the Tinder Me vs. The Real Me
They lived in an expensive apartment, and he bought her a car. They were together for three years. Then weird things started happening. Citicorp Bank called me to say when I was going to make a payment. And I said, you've got to be out of your minds. I hate you guys. You have investments in South Africa. You screwed over a bank account of mine a long time ago. I wouldn't have a Citicorp-- "Well, you have three Citicorp accounts. So I call him up, and he's like, I can explain it. I'm like, good. He's like, send me the information. He has this way of talking to me that will calm me down and make it seem like everything you ever wanted could come true.
And he also had this demeanor that, I'll take care of everything. Don't worry. I'll take care of everything. And I would believe that he would take care of it. I figured out later how he did all of this stuff and how easy it is for anyone to do. Once a week, you get something in the mail that says, you have been preapproved for a gold card or whatever. Most people just pitch those in the garbage. Well, he didn't. He filled them all out. And since we'd filled out one credit card together, he knew all my information.
Your next-door neighbor could be doing it to you right now, and you don't know. There were three Citibank cards. They were starting repossession on my car. And I found out about all of this all in, like, 48 hours, because I found out that he had been seeing someone else. We had had this really tumultuous thing where he called me up in a total fried state, and I didn't know what was wrong.
And I mean, he was an emotional basket case. It turns out he'd been dating someone in New York, and she dumped him. And he called me for sympathy. And he couldn't really tell me why he was so distraught. So I called him back. I asked him about it, and the whole story comes out, that he'd been seeing this other woman.
He was madly in love with her. She had dumped him and had just gone to Australia to marry someone else. On the one hand, I'm being the good friend. I mean, I felt literally like someone had ripped my innards out, like my whole world was imploding, which is why I went to bed. Everything in the air was so heavy. It was too much work to get to the phone. It was too much work to put food in my mouth. It was too much work to get up, put my clothes on, and go to the office.
And my friends said, you have to get better. Too many of us need you, which is always a good way to jump-start. Unfortunately, I'm one of these people who needs to be needed. And even though I hate that role that I've carved for myself, it's like-- you know, your cat needs you. My cat has saved me from potential suicide twice. Ariel needs to be fed. She needs someone to clean the litter box. It's so easy to be taken in. It's this fantasy that they create that you want to be in.
I mean, part of it, I'm madly in love with this guy. And he said, you're an artist. You should be doing artwork. You shouldn't be dealing with your finances. I'll support you. I'll take over all the finances. And it was like God dropped out of the sky and said, "Here.
You've worked hard. You deserve this. Money has always been a really stressful thing for me. My family didn't have a lot of money. You have to understand my history.
Liars - This American Life
I was the oldest child. When my dad died, I was My mother didn't know how to deal with it. I had three kids under me. I became the second adult in the family when I was 13 years old. I started drinking coffee.
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I started going to parent-teacher meetings. I was always mother to everyone else. And I was the head dancer in a company, and then I had my own company. And here was someone who came along and said, "I'll take some of that weight off. I'll take care of you. So your deepest, darkest, secret desire is that someone, somewhere will do that for you. The thing about him is, I think that he was probably really, really intuitive, because I think, perhaps, what he's able to do is become a mirror of your secret fantasy life, of your secret desires.
And I don't know, because I'd like to be a fly on the wall and see if he does that with other people, whether the fantasies are always different, or whether he's so ingrained-- See, there's two things. Either he's this kind of person who's so intuitive that he can create a fantasy that mirrors whatever your fantasy life is, or he picks out people who will buy his fantasy life. And I don't know which one it is.
He had this entire fiction of his life. I believe some of it was fiction. I'm sure some of it was true, because I don't think he would have ended up the way that he ended up if some of the stories that he told were not true. When he told these stories, it was passionate. It was like the best theater you've ever attended. It was the best monologue. He was from Ireland. He was an earl or a lord. I can never figure out what those people are. His father had been very prominent in politics. He had been given a different last name. He had been given the last name of the ancestral family because his father had singled him out as being the chosen son or whatever.
And then his father totally mistreated him and abused him emotionally. And the IRA blew up their home at some point. It was this tragic existence, this really compelling tale of a person kind of drifting through life, looking for something they could hang on to.
P.S. I Love You
He was a director. He directed commercials for one of the big advertising agencies. And then when his wife died, he made these brilliant commercials. And then he sold everything he owned. And he went down, and he became a mercenary fighter in border disputes down in South America. Maybe he did that. Maybe he didn't. The problem that I still have is I don't know which were lies. I don't know what's real and what's not.
I mean, I've sat and thought, well, that couldn't be true. But I went to Ireland. I went to the place where his house supposedly would be. And there is a house that underwent significant damage. If I really cared to make a life project out of this, I could research every aspect of what he told me. Oh, he didn't completely disappear, though. He still will call me. I'll be cooking dinner at my house. My phone number's not listed. I've moved twice since he knew me. And he'll call. People have said, do you think he really loved you?
Or people have told me, he never really loved you. He just used you. My mother was key among that school of people. And this is part of what messes with my head still, because I don't believe that I could be so far off the mark. I mean, I believe that he truly loved me. When he looked into my eyes and he said, I love you, when he calls me back and says he-- there's no need for him, at this point-- if he really is trying to make this con go down, he wouldn't try to keep in contact with me.
He keeps coming back. And I believe it's because he really did love me. I think for a while afterwards, I created a new fiction. This is a bad dream. And I'm going to wake up, and he's going to come back. And he will have gotten this fabulous job, and he's going to pay off all these debts.
And I'm not going to have to deal with this. It didn't happen. But he kept saying, I swear to you, I will pay you back. I will make this up to you. I really think he believed it. I think he had no basis in reality in general.
And I really wanted to believe him. I really wanted to believe that he wasn't this horrible ogre who had done this to me. Am I not vindictive?
Mostly books, with a little wine writing on the side
Sometimes I'd like to kill him. Mostly I'd just like to have the dream back. I really wish that there had been someone out there existing in the world who was who he said he was. That would be great. I think that he truly, truly loved me and probably didn't want things to turn out the way they did. But he was so deeply entrenched in that. He couldn't say, OK, erase everything I've ever said to you. This is the real story. This is who I really am. And he may very well have thought, this is going to be the one that I'm going to change. He talked about having children, long-range commitment kinds of things.
Because the house of cards didn't fall down for at least a year and a half. Bills were being paid. It was one of these catch-up games. So maybe he thought, I'm just going to get one more credit card and pay this off to keep it afloat, because I'm going to get this job. And just the next credit card. Oh, I've got to get one more.
And I'll get one more, and I'll pay those off, just to keep it going, just keep it going. For the longest time, even after I said to him, look at what you've done, look at what you've done to me, he said, I will make it up to you. I will pay every cent back. Maybe he just sold me all that. Maybe he's the best actor in the whole world, Academy Award winner. And maybe he just creates this character, this tragic-- I don't know. It's like standing on air.
It's like nothing is too far-fetched. Nothing is impossible. It's like a whole crisis of faith. What do you believe in? I don't know what I can believe in. Dec 04, Alyssa rated it it was amazing. Not only was I in suspense over who she would choose, I enjoyed walking down memory lane with all of the NYC institutions that are a part of this book.
I can't wait for the next book by this author. Apr 30, Kaeley Scruggs rated it liked it Shelves: ebooks , marginalized-voices , clean-romance. If you're looking for a very chaste romance that focuses heavily on the daily life of a woman, this is for you. Chen has an unmistakable voice, that sounds casual, but also sophisticated and lovely while exuding confidence. I liked spending a lot of time with Cassandra and found Nick absolutely adorable.
Sometimes Cass came off as detached, almost we were being told how she felt instead of showing it. But I haven't read such a long romance in a while and it was amazing to see the MC spend so muc If you're looking for a very chaste romance that focuses heavily on the daily life of a woman, this is for you. But I haven't read such a long romance in a while and it was amazing to see the MC spend so much time with friends and family. I have a distinct idea of at least side characters are in the story, and there usually isn't that many.
Definitely super fun and really engaging. Nov 30, Hsiau Wei rated it liked it Shelves: books-read-in My Blog: www. And at the same time, Kevin, her ex contacted her. Being a normal girl, she goes with the flow of seeing both of them. And as anticipated, the lies caught up. Nick found out her profession and walk out of their relationship. And now, it is up to Cass to mend their relationship. The book c My Blog: www.
The book contained many story of bridezilla and groomzillas which i have fun reading and the author have relayed the message brilliantly. I can even relate some of the story to my real experience in handling my own wedding ; Off all the characters in the book, i dislikes Kevin's character.
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He was in and out of scene but i couldnt tell what he want from Cass.. View 1 comment. I loved the title, the idea of this story, and Cass. I loved that it felt like she was sharing a dirty little secret with me by telling me about her life. The problem, even with all the things that I loved, was that I had to stuggle to get through it.
Whatever I am reading has to catch my attention and hold it right off the bat, or most times I want even waste the time to finish it. I have so many books that I want to read that if within the first few pages or first few chapters I am not totally I loved the title, the idea of this story, and Cass.
I have so many books that I want to read that if within the first few pages or first few chapters I am not totally involved I give up. That is how I felt trying to read this book, I had to make myself get through and I hate that feeling like I am struggling to comprehend. It's not for me, but someone else may thing otherwise.
Jun 27, Stephanie Haefner rated it liked it Shelves: , chick-lit. I liked this book. I was immediately drawn in because I used to work in the wedding industry as a floral designer and wedding planner. I enjoyed reliving the parts of my ex-career that I loved. The main character seemed to change and learn form her mistakes. But the book almost felt half novel, half wedding planning guide. Seemed as if some of it could have been toned back. And it seemed as if there was a lot of product and brand nam I liked this book. And it seemed as if there was a lot of product and brand name mentions, plus many mentions of restaurants and stores etc in NYC, and as someone who doesn't live there, I didn't really get those references.
And I'm not sure, but did we ever find out what the ex wanted with her??? Nov 18, Tracy rated it liked it Shelves: netgalley. This book started off a little slow to me. Took me a while to get interested in it. But when I did it was good. It threw me off the ending Didn't expect that! Holly Morris rated it it was amazing Feb 05, Christine rated it liked it Jul 27, Becky R. D rated it really liked it Nov 14, Fabulous Book Fiend rated it it was amazing Mar 05, Samantha March rated it it was amazing Jun 28, Emily Erdmann rated it it was ok Mar 10, Tracy Ruehl Stypa rated it liked it Feb 04, TheAgileReader rated it liked it Nov 16, Laura Chapman rated it really liked it Mar 22, Ashleigh rated it it was amazing Jan 02, Sandy James rated it really liked it Feb 02, Tracy rated it really liked it Feb 27, Ruth rated it liked it Dec 25, CJ rated it really liked it Feb 24, Kathy rated it really liked it Nov 13, GJ added it Oct 20, Mariana Bezerra added it Oct 31, Juliana Philippa marked it as to-read Nov 02, Lindsay Paige marked it as to-read Nov 04, Anita marked it as to-read Nov 09, Kara Parks marked it as to-read Nov 10, Splage added it Nov 13, Roxanne marked it as to-read Nov 18, Karina marked it as to-read Nov 28, Stace marked it as to-read Nov 29, Shh I'm reading!
Natalie Aaron marked it as to-read Dec 18, Amy marked it as to-read Dec 21, Angel marked it as to-read Dec 22, Tracie Banister marked it as to-read Dec 23, Meredith Schorr marked it as to-read Dec 24, Michelle marked it as to-read Dec 24, Ashley marked it as to-read Dec 30, He asked if he could kiss me and of course, I leaned in.
It was a fiery, passionate kiss that lasted a long time. I need to sleep on it. And that was the last I heard from him. There was zero texting between us except for his weekly invitation to get together. After a few nice encounters, I invited him to my place to cook dinner for him. Yes, forget what I said. And yet, week after week, I agreed to see him. A couple months later, we were lying in his bed watching a movie.
We talked about it a bit, me doing my very best to play cool to keep the emotions that accompany rejection from surfacing. I stayed over and we had incredible morning sex. I got ready for work and we kissed goodbye. What I wanted these men to see in me was a smart, ambitious, kind, generous, hilarious, fearless and hard-working woman. I like words.
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